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Ex keeps bad mouthing me to the kids

My children have just spent the half term with their dad and came home this weekend. My 14 yr old son was very quiet which was a bit odd, he's normally pretty chatty, I just put it down to being a teen or missing his dad. But then I overheard him talking to my 11 yr old daughter about me. He said he didn't want to talk to me after what I did to dad. I could see she looked sad and  uncomfortable about the conversation, so I walked in the room and asked what exactly I had done to his dad. He told me taht he knew everything and it was my fault his dad wasn't around because I had cheated on his dad! Shocked was not the word!! (this is a total lie btw!) I couldn't believe my ears, he was the one who cheated on me many time and he was emotionally abusive. He took away all my confidence and convinced me no one else would want me. I have only just started to feel better about myself since we split and I moved to France. Yet dispite my hatred for him I have never allowed myself to bad mouth him to the kids because I don't think it's fair on them. 
I had to sit the kids down and explain that I hadn't done the things he said and that maybe he said that to try and hurt me, It was very hard to talk to them as my son kept telling me that his dad wouldn't lie. I still think he believes his dad over me and the relationship with us is very frosty at the moment. 

I haven't spoken to their dad yet, I don't even know what to say to him. I'm so mad I don't want to do anything to affect the kids. What should I do?


Tags:

relationship daughter son home children



Ouch! Firstly that's a real pickle of a situation! Secondly well done for not being the one to badmouth your ex in front of your children as this is obviously an immature way to behave , as for how to handle the situation is also a tricky one but you must remember children are easily led and influenced by others especially background parents ( mothers fathers that have access to there children but not residency ).   Also sometimes a  problem is these parents can tend to try overcompensate for the lack of access and basically can get more quality time than you with a child.. BUT always remember the TRUTH will always come out in the end!

Firstly I personally ( and this is just an opinion ) would be looking to rip a strip of the ex and let him know what a stupid and immature way to behave ( as come on it was ) , then  you must decide to either sit  down and try talk out  some of the truths about his father with him again  ( and obviously at your digression how much details of what REALLY happened or elaborate on what you have already told them).

A lot of things in my mind as to conversations with your son  ( again its just an opinion) depends on WHAT you have already told them about the separation, and how much 1) they need to know 2) they can handle as an individual .....this would be up to you to evaluate and possibly discuss with any current partners that are /or may be involved in your sons life.

But definitely fight your corner and present the kids  with the facts JUST THE FACTS, and they will either believe you or not I'm guessing ...But even if your son doesn't believe you right now again the truth will ALWAYS come  out( usually as the children mature and start to question the past)  and when it does that's when to calm and reassuring to the children.

Like I said these are just my inputs and opinions but happy to throw my thoughts out there 

 

Craig 

 


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